A Conversation I Had With Myself After Being Told I Had 24 More Credits Until I Graduate

Are you scared?

I have never been more terrified. I feel as some people do about

tight spaces,

        or spiders,

                or heights.

But this is part of life.

I’m not ready.

I’ll help you.

Fear does not make grocery lists.

I’ll help you.

Anxiety is not a form of roadside assistance.

I’ll help you.

Depression doesn’t pay the bills.

Then what will help?

A new state of mind.

A Different Kind of Letting Go

Tonight, I got into the bath with my clothes on.
For a moment, I felt the water cling to me as I stood up;
it made me feel heavy and warm,
like the arms of someone who needs me.
The droplets gripped so hard onto the fibers of my sweater;
I could hear their cries as one by one they fell back into the tub:
Drip. Drip. Drip.
“You are so smart and well spoken.”
Drip. Drip. Drip.
“I think you’re so pretty.”
Drip. Drip. Drip.
“No one’s ever touched me as much as you.”
Drip. Drip. Drip.
“I can’t wait to see you again.”

One after one, all of their voices evaporated;
My clothes became easier to carry,
like it never happened at all.

Decay

You touched me and my skin started to rot…
I was no longer sweet; I wasn’t something
you wanted to sink your teeth into.

As my body began to decay I asked,
“will you still want me?”
But you never answered. No one
ever wants something that they
have already tasted.