“I wouldn’t Breathe Unless You Asked Me To” (an iphone note project)

(an ongoing piece detailing my weak spine)

  1. I would lose my sight to the sun before I blink and miss it again.
  2. Thinking is something I’ve always done, but can you believe that the earth rotates without a thought? As I think until I become nothing, the earth keeps turning.
  3. I haven’t considered you in so long that you became another universe: untouchable and foreign, like a stranger on the street. Yet I remember how you spoke when your grandpa died, and the way you would talk about home. Not quite a poet, but your words came together the same way.
  4. I am still lonely, but I made it to twenty-three.
  5. Your words feel cut and dry, like any poem found in the beginning of a paper thin novella. You think: “Speak and they will listen,” but its all been said before. A curse of the human condition.
  6. At sunset: “Look at the sky!”
    But you’re always too late, my voice miles away, the day turned to night.
  7. Touch is a love language you don’t know how to speak and all I can do is beg for you to talk, talk, talk.
  8. I’ve never felt more like a second thought than when you remind me of your first.
  9. Nothing makes me feel less beautiful than when you close your eyes, touch me, and sigh.
  10. And with your soul to match my sadness I think I will be okay. Your light will help outshine my dark.

    (to be continued…)

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How to fall in love with a place you grew up resenting…

Leave and see what the rest of the world has to offer you.

Move to a city that feels like another country, even if it’s in the same state.

Face the people who point out your differences with their eyes.

Discover living in a world where timing is everything, especially during rush hours.

Make an amount of money that seemed out of reach before.

Realize that said money isn’t even enough to pay an electricity bill.

Feel lonely in a room full of people because no one smiles at strangers.

Figure out that diversity doesn’t mean acceptance.

Experience suburban claustrophobia.

Dream about the beauty you grew up ignoring.

Go home and remember you were lucky.

So lucky.