Withers: (verb) “Cease to Flourish”

And my heart withers,
like flowers without water

when will my body stop
pumping blood?

I am breathing!
I am trying!
I am biting my skin!

Sweat pours from my pores;
I am all alone

and my heart withers.

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I’m Starting to Realize it’s Complicated

(Here’s a poem that reflects my consistent internal dialogue!)

I can’t tell you what I feel like because
Even I don’t know what I feel like;
It’s more of a mess of colors like,
Blues and reds
With hints of green,
But only because your eyes are green,
And this is coming off kind of strong but
Did you know you say all the right things sometimes?
But all the wrong things the other times,
And although you don’t always listen,
When you do listen,
You remember
And that means more than you know,
Or I know
Or they know—
Look I don’t know how to end this
Stupid poem,
Or stupid run on sentence,
Just like I don’t know how to tell you
“I love you” or
that I’m lost when you’re absent.

To: My Favorite Person in the World…

From: Me, in the middle of the Pride Parade
June 10, 2017

It hurt me to know that
There was more love for you
Amongst thousands of strangers
Than in your own home.

I wanted to cry when I saw
Families proclaim their pride
For their sons and daughters,
Because it’s what you deserved.

I’m sorry I can’t change your family’s mind;
They don’t know what they’re missing.

(I love how strong men cry)

I love how strong men cry
when they are no longer strong.

When their lives are on the line,
do you really think they care
about their beliefs?
About the hate they preached?
It was just a game anyhow,
they never really cared about
the People they promised they
were protecting.
Only the ways in which these
Humans fulfilled
an emptiness,
where their compassion should lie;
an ego,
living where their heart should be.

At the end of the day,
we are nothing,
besides tools for their victories.

I Just Romanticized the Ringing in my Ears

A noise reverberates in the emptiness that exists
In the space where you end and I begin.

It’s a ringing with a pitch high enough that if you don’t
stop and listen hard enough, you would miss it.

Sometimes I hear this noise in the moments before your
Breath gets deeper and you fall asleep,

Sometimes I hear it when you stop kissing me just long
Enough to look at me and smile.

Tonight my ears are ringing with the sound of us,
And it’s like I’ve never heard music before.

A Conversation I Had With Myself After Being Told I Had 24 More Credits Until I Graduate

Are you scared?

I have never been more terrified. I feel as some people do about

tight spaces,

        or spiders,

                or heights.

But this is part of life.

I’m not ready.

I’ll help you.

Fear does not make grocery lists.

I’ll help you.

Anxiety is not a form of roadside assistance.

I’ll help you.

Depression doesn’t pay the bills.

Then what will help?

A new state of mind.