To: My Favorite Person in the World…

From: Me, in the middle of the Pride Parade
June 10, 2017

It hurt me to know that
There was more love for you
Amongst thousands of strangers
Than in your own home.

I wanted to cry when I saw
Families proclaim their pride
For their sons and daughters,
Because it’s what you deserved.

I’m sorry I can’t change your family’s mind;
They don’t know what they’re missing.

(I love how strong men cry)

I love how strong men cry
when they are no longer strong.

When their lives are on the line,
do you really think they care
about their beliefs?
About the hate they preached?
It was just a game anyhow,
they never really cared about
the People they promised they
were protecting.
Only the ways in which these
Humans fulfilled
an emptiness,
where their compassion should lie;
an ego,
living where their heart should be.

At the end of the day,
we are nothing,
besides tools for their victories.

April Showers Bring May Flowers

I know I’m still in love with you because I won’t stop thinking about the seeds of happiness you planted in the corners of my mouth. These seeds turned to flowers that kept my smile pinned to my ears.

Their stems whispered all the ways I was special to you when I wasn’t feeling so lovable.

Their blooms often smelled like you and it made me feel less lonely on the nights you were away.

 

Bees would often see me and say how lucky I was to have you.

The sun would shine brighter when I walked outside because you were around.

Even the rain made me smile because you said we always needed it.

 

I am not bitter you have moved on and my flowers are gone, because I will never stop growing.

I Just Romanticized the Ringing in my Ears

A noise reverberates in the emptiness that exists
In the space where you end and I begin.

It’s a ringing with a pitch high enough that if you don’t
stop and listen hard enough, you would miss it.

Sometimes I hear this noise in the moments before your
Breath gets deeper and you fall asleep,

Sometimes I hear it when you stop kissing me just long
Enough to look at me and smile.

Tonight my ears are ringing with the sound of us,
And it’s like I’ve never heard music before.

A Conversation I Had With Myself After Being Told I Had 24 More Credits Until I Graduate

Are you scared?

I have never been more terrified. I feel as some people do about

tight spaces,

        or spiders,

                or heights.

But this is part of life.

I’m not ready.

I’ll help you.

Fear does not make grocery lists.

I’ll help you.

Anxiety is not a form of roadside assistance.

I’ll help you.

Depression doesn’t pay the bills.

Then what will help?

A new state of mind.

A Different Kind of Letting Go

Tonight, I got into the bath with my clothes on.
For a moment, I felt the water cling to me as I stood up;
it made me feel heavy and warm,
like the arms of someone who needs me.
The droplets gripped so hard onto the fibers of my sweater;
I could hear their cries as one by one they fell back into the tub:
Drip. Drip. Drip.
“You are so smart and well spoken.”
Drip. Drip. Drip.
“I think you’re so pretty.”
Drip. Drip. Drip.
“No one’s ever touched me as much as you.”
Drip. Drip. Drip.
“I can’t wait to see you again.”

One after one, all of their voices evaporated;
My clothes became easier to carry,
like it never happened at all.

Decay

You touched me and my skin started to rot…
I was no longer sweet; I wasn’t something
you wanted to sink your teeth into.

As my body began to decay I asked,
“will you still want me?”
But you never answered. No one
ever wants something that they
have already tasted.